I find this very hard to understand. I have not heard this point of view before, but I find that I have quite strong views about it..
It seems to me that pretty much everyone makes their preferred binary gender pronoun known. Those are the only pronouns most people use, so really a person has to choose one or have one chosen for them.
The whole idea of gender-free pronouns is that they are a universal replacement for gendered ones (although perhaps only in some contexts, for example a lot of people write using non-gendered language but use gendered language when they speak). If such pronouns are only used for ambiguously gendered people they become other-gendered pronouns, which are entirely different. I can see why a person would object to being called by an other-gendered pronoun when they identify on the binary, just as one might object if called by the wrong binary pronoun. This is because something inaccurate is being implied about them. The use of gender-free language, because of the very fact that is is used universally, has no such implications.
You say that you find it rude to use non-gendered pronouns when a person's binary preference is obvious. In contrast, I would find it rude if someone expected me to ruin the non-genderedness of my LiveJournal on their account. To insist that someone makes repeated reference to your gender against their normal preference seems extremely pretentious to me. I think its rather like insisting that someone call you "sir" or "mr____" when their natural response is to call you by your first name- which I know a lot of people do, and perhaps in some situations it is justified. Personally, I don't tend to respond amiably to such requests (at least not out of scene!)
On the other hand, I don't take any joy in offending random people. If I had to refer to you, or anyone else who I knew objected to non-gendered pronouns, I would not use such pronouns. I'd probably compromise and avoid using any pronouns at all.
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branchandroot
Re: tangentially
Date: 2003-03-21 12:16 pm (UTC)It seems to me that pretty much everyone makes their preferred binary gender pronoun known. Those are the only pronouns most people use, so really a person has to choose one or have one chosen for them.
The whole idea of gender-free pronouns is that they are a universal replacement for gendered ones (although perhaps only in some contexts, for example a lot of people write using non-gendered language but use gendered language when they speak). If such pronouns are only used for ambiguously gendered people they become other-gendered pronouns, which are entirely different. I can see why a person would object to being called by an other-gendered pronoun when they identify on the binary, just as one might object if called by the wrong binary pronoun. This is because something inaccurate is being implied about them. The use of gender-free language, because of the very fact that is is used universally, has no such implications.
You say that you find it rude to use non-gendered pronouns when a person's binary preference is obvious. In contrast, I would find it rude if someone expected me to ruin the non-genderedness of my LiveJournal on their account. To insist that someone makes repeated reference to your gender against their normal preference seems extremely pretentious to me. I think its rather like insisting that someone call you "sir" or "mr____" when their natural response is to call you by your first name- which I know a lot of people do, and perhaps in some situations it is justified. Personally, I don't tend to respond amiably to such requests (at least not out of scene!)
On the other hand, I don't take any joy in offending random people. If I had to refer to you, or anyone else who I knew objected to non-gendered pronouns, I would not use such pronouns. I'd probably compromise and avoid using any pronouns at all.